Shaobing Song…with a side order of fries
by chiefraz
Summary: Shaobing is a baked layered flat bread that can be served sweet or savory and is the newest addition to the menu at KFC-China. But what happens when...say it can only be served until 10:00 a.m.? Oh the humanity!


Shaobin Song…....with a side order of fries

We had rolled into this one Starbucks town about an hour ago and after the first 45 minutes of listening to 'hera hetta" and last 15 watching a pounding fan dance on the monkeys head, Sanzo decided he was a bit peckish and could do with some of the Colonels finest. There may 've been only one over priced coffee joint in this burg but man you'd think Harlin Sanders became the new Chairman Mao as there seemed to be a red and white building sporting the KFC logo on every street corner. So we picked our poison (need some hang over grease, man my head is fuzzier then dice hanging in a '57 Chevy) and got in line at the drive through.

"Can we get a bucket of chicken? ' Hakkai cheerfully bowed to the smiling face on the drive through placard (the dude looked more like he'd stepped out a Buddhist temple then an American southern plantation) and then proceeded to read from the lengthy list he'd prepared while we were awaiting our turn in line. "3 rice and spring onions, 5 orders of you tiao, 3 pints of spinach soup, 1 large and 3 medium Pepsi's-2 with no ice and super size Mountain Dew." Then as an after thought, " is it too late to get some shaobing?

"We're terribly sorry sir, but we stop serving shaobing at 10:00 a.m." The staticy voice flitted out of the speaker. "But you get still get the you tiao.

"But its only 10:30," Goku squealed bouncing up and down in his seat. "And I love shaobing and we're already getting you tiao ."

"We're sorry sir," whoever was on the other end was polite yet determined. "Company policy states we stop serving breakfast at 10:00 am.

"Saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaanzooooooooooo," the monkey whined. "I haven't had shaobing in like foreverrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!"

There was a vein in Sanzo's forehead that would start to pulse when Goku had his whine on, the left eye twitch would soon follow and if the right index finger started curling about an invisible trigger, that's when I duck or just sort of dive over the side of the jeep. "Saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaanzooooooooooooooooooo!" Goku bayed. "I'm hungry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

The sound of gun shots in a confined area is always deafening. Freak'en louder then any explosion in wide open spaces. The three of us had bailed over the side and Hakuryuu morphed into his little fluffy self and wormed under Hakkai. Goku and I tried to tunnel our way through the asphalt to avoid being filled with lead or the brick shards that broke off and came ricocheting in every direction. Goddamn, why couldn't the monkey keep his fuck'en trap shut?! When the sound of a hammer making metallic snaps on the empty chambers of his pistol replaced the sound of firing and bullets bouncing off nearby buildings we peeked through our fingers but not before checking ourselves to make sure there's no blood leaking out or guts dangling on our shoes, Sanzo was kicking what was left of the order box, speakers and placard.

"Uh Sanzo," I said carefully siding up as the priest ground the picture of the number 4 combo meal under his heel. "We kinda sorta have to get the hell out of here before 'the po po' go all Tienanmen Square on our asses. This isn't some shit piddle little village where we can rip it up fighting the monster of the week and then have the locals toss themselves at our feet because you're the great Genjo fuck'en Sanzo! When the cops get here and they will, you don't need joss sticks to know those chicken jockeys called them the minute you started shooting, They will toss our biscuits in jail!

"No, they won't." Sanzo flicked the pistol open with the eloquent grace and ease one would usually see with a smoker and their favorite zippo lighter. He dumped out the empty shell casings, then those long nimble fingers started loading on bullet after bullet into the chambers, those mad lavender eyes never leaving ours as those fingers did their deadly work. Then he did something scary, Sanzo smiled. A lazy sardonic twist of the lip (a sexy as hell who was I kidding get the dick off the couch kind a smile) that meant something was going to die hard and fast. He jerked the weapon up in one quick movement as the mechanism closed with a sharp clear metallic click that meant it was ready, willing, able to dispatch anything to its maker.

"And what makes you think that monk?" I said crossing my arms and striking a pose of indifferent interest, (oh I am soooooooooo going to toss that priest on his back and....you bitches, you just gotta watch don't ya?)

Sanzo continued to smile, "the police will be too busy to come after us." He hooked a thumb over his shoulder. "Because they'll be too busy with them."

Them turned out to be a rather large group of yoai who were creeping out from behind a near by dumpster. "Genjo Sanzo!!!!!'" They chorused "Give us......:"

"And one two three, all together now..." .the four of us finished their sentence, "The sutra!"

The yaoi had the good graces at least to look a little hurt.

"You guys are so predictable!" The nyoi-bo materialized in Goku's hand. "I like that." The kid grinned, eager to start bringing some major hurt on this group of assholes.

In the mean time Hakuryuu had quietly transformed back into his jeep self and Hakkai had slipped behind the wheel. "Gentleman, he said with the cheerful look that only comes from either Valium, getting laid or watching the beginning of someone else about to get majorly fucked (and not in the good sense of the word) when a staticy voice filtered up from the pile of ruined metal and plastic. "I'm sorry sir, did you want fries with that?"

"You guys want any fries?" Sanzo asked. Two of the yoai raised their hands, so of course he had to shoot them. "Rude bastards."

"Not me," I sat on the spare tire twirling the shakugetsujyo idly between my fingers like a baton and Hakkai shook his head politely in the negative.

"Me! Mee! I do!!!!!" Goku squealed, forgetting the fight for the moment. "10 large fries, three with a side of mayo!"

The wail of police sirens could be heard in the distance.

"Make that four with a side a mayo," Sanzo took his usual seat next to Hakkai never taking his eyes or gun off the yoai-da. "That will be all."

"Thank you sir," intoned the chicken jockey. "That will be 444 yuan, drive around please."

T


End file.
